My freedom? Do i have any?

Freedom to me is never a destination. It's a journey. You need to be free to choose the right road for yourself. The right road is the one that leads to your best. All that matters is that you end up a free person - free to decide where you want to go and how you intend to get there. (Really, it's not easy in Chinese brought up family where they push you around with their ideas & opinions to shape you into a person they want YOU to be. They need to be proud to have you as their son & if they don't, words showering you as USELESS, A SHAME IN THE FAMILY, & etc). Being free is being real, if you want to be free, you need to make friends with the truth. No matter how clearly you can point to forces blocking you, the most important obstacles to your freedom are within. You are the one who permits obstacles to block your path. While being stuck is frustrating, it also keeps you from risking, safe from failure and from discovering your weaknesses and shortcomings. Your prison is always your CHOICE. To break free, you have to give up whatever security being bound offers. You should be able to face the pressure without emotions of the past intruding. In the end you're only as free as you are in your heart. Your freedom lies just behind your forgiving. When you free yourself, you also free the world. YOU HAVE TO DECLARE THAT YOU ARE FREE, otherwise why bother reading?

The Next Big Step

Whenever you're going, whatever your dreams, the next step you take will be from this place. You cannot take that next step unless you know where you are right now. To risk without knowing the ground you stand upon is to leap into the darkness. The next step is not going to be all that different from the steps you took to get to this place. KNOW this place. Know how you got here, your motivations, the truth about your shortcomings, the limitations that held you back. Know the ground on which you stand, without illusions, pretense, or self-deception. We all want to believe we are better off than we are, but at the time when we risk and have to look into the depth of the chasm we're trying to span, our weakness display themselves and deflate our resolve. So know where you are. Accept your condition for what it is. Take responsibility for getting here and staying as long as you have. If you've been stuck, admit your fear and lack of courage. Don't blame others. Don't condemn the world. The place where you stand is the consequence of your determination. If you find your achievements lacking, look into yourself, not outside. Perhaps you were not motivated. Perhaps you did not want what you claimed you needed. Perhaps you only fooled yourself. If you understand how you got to this place, you will know the next step and how to take it. Don't fear the future, read the past.

Would you share your aloneness?

Sharing your solitary self takes trust. Revealing the inner workings of your heart exposes you to the rebuke of indifference and the icy frustration of not being taken seriously. WHO wants to suffer the pain of not being heard when you most need someone to listen? To allow another (it will only be one or two at best, never others) to come close, to know the same self you are when you are alone with yourself, is the heart of intimacy. Being intimate is displaying in the presence of another the self you discover in solitude. WHAT A RISK HANGS ON THIS. If you show your true self and are rejected because the other person did not understand or care enough to allow you to make yourself understood, you recoil, perceiving the whole world as hollow, empty as a shadow play. Where is life's meaning if such sacred knowing cannot be shared? Kindred spirits do not need to work on this. In each other' s presence they find all the encouragement they need to be alone together. First you must love being alone with yourself. Then you must love the other. The selves that appear in that interface define a world that appears every time they are together. Which is the reflection? which is the source?

Being Alone is good

When you have found yourself, being alone is privilege, not a punishment. All the good work that you do comes when you are alone. All of your dreams are dreamed alone. Your best ideas are conceived in solitude. Your dream of a better world and the contribution you will make to it will also come when you are alone. Your creations and inventions, your solutions to the problems that most vex you, all come to you in isolation. It is only when you are by yourself that you can be receptive to the stillness of your inner voice. This is the voice that tells you what you need to know, the inner directive, the heart of your soul given words. This solitude is the place from which your originality and specialness issue. In your aloneness you hear music and see art most clearly. Only when you are alone can you receive the gifts the world presents. In your aloneness you are in touch with the energy that runs the world. The things you take from this place fortify your spirit with grace, forgive your ineptness, and fill you with new resolve. Learn to love being with yourself. It is the highest place to which you can aspire.

Don't Take It Personally

PEOPLE ARE SELFISH. THEY'RE WRAPPED UP IN THEIR OWN WORLD. THEY DON'T NOTICE YOUR SUFFERING OR CELEBRATE YOUR SUCCESS. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY. DISINTEREST SEEMS TO BE THE WAY OF THE WORLD. THIS IS NEITHER WRONG NOR RIGHT, NEITHER GOOD NOR BAD. IT SIMPLY IS THE WAY IT IS. THINK HOW IT WOULD BE IF PEOPLE DID NOTICE EVERY TIME YOU DID SOMETHING WRONG. THEY'D POINT IT OUT TO YOU. THEY'D CONFUSE YOU WITH SUGGESTIONS. THEY'D ANGER YOU WITH THEIR INTRUSIONS. IT WOULD BE HARDER TO MAKE CORRECTIONS AND MOVE ON. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY WHEN A STRANGER GETS ANGRY AT YOU; ASSUME THAT IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. HE'D BEEN HOLDING IN HIS FEELINGS A LONG TIME BEFORE YOU CAME INTO HIS LIFE. DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY WHEN YOUR NEIGHBOR COMPLAINS ABOUT YOUR DOG, WHEN A CAR BREAKS DOWN RIGHT AFTER YOU HAD IT FIXED, OR WHEN THE COMPUTER FAILS AND IMPORTANT DATA ARE LOST. ( ok, i know it's difficult )

THE NEGATIVITY THAT YOU CHOOSE TO REACT TO IS ONLY A SOUNDING BOARD FOR WHAT YOU FEEL INSIDE. THESE SAME EVENTS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED WHETHER YOU WERE THERE OR NOT. IF YOU DIDN'T FEEL BAD ABOUT YOURSELF, YOU NEVER WOULD HAVE TAKEN THE EVENTS OF THE WORLD SO PERSONALLY. THE OUTSIDE WORLD HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU. The world is within you - all the caring, all the sublime inspiration, all the doubt. The way you react to the world only reflects how you feel about yourself.

The Wisdom of Feelings

In feelings there is wisdom, for the simplest feelings speak the greatest truth. Pain in life comes from avoiding the truth that your feelings tell. Become comfortable with your feelings, because your feelings are your life. Trust your feelings. They're the only true guidance you'll ever get. If you know what you're feeling, you know what the world is revealing to you. If you cannot be true to your feelings, you cannot be true to yourself. Trust them, but first you have to know what you really feel. When you find out when a feeling STARTED, you also find out WHY. The feelings you are afraid to release cause you to hold onto other things. Stay-up-to-date with your feelings. Don't store them. When a feeling ages, it becomes less honest. The more immediately you express your hurt, the more completely it resolves. Stand up for your feelings and you're free to be yourself. You have to be able to cry to live fully, for tears in the right place cause healing. Your feelings are explanation enough. Let them speak. The greatest credential is the human heart.

Universal truth through lines

"I bargained with Life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However i begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store."

"For Life is just an employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task."

"I worked for a menial's hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have willingly paid."

Written by:
A great poet

Idle

The Devilish mind: I can't seem to set my mind on something which needs more consideration. I haven't done any deep thinking into what comes in the next phases. I need time but am aware it's running out. I couldn't catch nor find my way back to square one. It's a disappointment by far. I hate losing my true self...was that an external psychology taking its way in...Where in particular are my passion? What could be done to find them? Why am i feeling sulky towards unimportant stuff? Where are my principles...

The Angelic mind: I've got to fish it out. Fear not. You know what you wanted. List them out like you had enlisted them. You had your mental notes. Search them from your system. You'll be amazed at how enlighten you are as you did. Read the inspirational books. Keep your materialization at bay. Survive frugally is your prioritized goal. One million spent on me has to have its worth. You've got to triple the figure in years time. There's no such thing as intentional studies. One leads to another and you don't predict. You wouldn't know where you'll be diverted into. You'll know when you are in a position for it. Enrich yourself with the potentials. Don't sway from your goals to gold. Last but not least, be grateful. Thank lord for sending me to the world of competence where it's the best place to grow. Growing up with responsibilities and expectations are transcendent. I'm grateful.