My freedom? Do i have any?

Freedom to me is never a destination. It's a journey. You need to be free to choose the right road for yourself. The right road is the one that leads to your best. All that matters is that you end up a free person - free to decide where you want to go and how you intend to get there. (Really, it's not easy in Chinese brought up family where they push you around with their ideas & opinions to shape you into a person they want YOU to be. They need to be proud to have you as their son & if they don't, words showering you as USELESS, A SHAME IN THE FAMILY, & etc). Being free is being real, if you want to be free, you need to make friends with the truth. No matter how clearly you can point to forces blocking you, the most important obstacles to your freedom are within. You are the one who permits obstacles to block your path. While being stuck is frustrating, it also keeps you from risking, safe from failure and from discovering your weaknesses and shortcomings. Your prison is always your CHOICE. To break free, you have to give up whatever security being bound offers. You should be able to face the pressure without emotions of the past intruding. In the end you're only as free as you are in your heart. Your freedom lies just behind your forgiving. When you free yourself, you also free the world. YOU HAVE TO DECLARE THAT YOU ARE FREE, otherwise why bother reading?

The Next Big Step

Whenever you're going, whatever your dreams, the next step you take will be from this place. You cannot take that next step unless you know where you are right now. To risk without knowing the ground you stand upon is to leap into the darkness. The next step is not going to be all that different from the steps you took to get to this place. KNOW this place. Know how you got here, your motivations, the truth about your shortcomings, the limitations that held you back. Know the ground on which you stand, without illusions, pretense, or self-deception. We all want to believe we are better off than we are, but at the time when we risk and have to look into the depth of the chasm we're trying to span, our weakness display themselves and deflate our resolve. So know where you are. Accept your condition for what it is. Take responsibility for getting here and staying as long as you have. If you've been stuck, admit your fear and lack of courage. Don't blame others. Don't condemn the world. The place where you stand is the consequence of your determination. If you find your achievements lacking, look into yourself, not outside. Perhaps you were not motivated. Perhaps you did not want what you claimed you needed. Perhaps you only fooled yourself. If you understand how you got to this place, you will know the next step and how to take it. Don't fear the future, read the past.

Would you share your aloneness?

Sharing your solitary self takes trust. Revealing the inner workings of your heart exposes you to the rebuke of indifference and the icy frustration of not being taken seriously. WHO wants to suffer the pain of not being heard when you most need someone to listen? To allow another (it will only be one or two at best, never others) to come close, to know the same self you are when you are alone with yourself, is the heart of intimacy. Being intimate is displaying in the presence of another the self you discover in solitude. WHAT A RISK HANGS ON THIS. If you show your true self and are rejected because the other person did not understand or care enough to allow you to make yourself understood, you recoil, perceiving the whole world as hollow, empty as a shadow play. Where is life's meaning if such sacred knowing cannot be shared? Kindred spirits do not need to work on this. In each other' s presence they find all the encouragement they need to be alone together. First you must love being alone with yourself. Then you must love the other. The selves that appear in that interface define a world that appears every time they are together. Which is the reflection? which is the source?

Being Alone is good

When you have found yourself, being alone is privilege, not a punishment. All the good work that you do comes when you are alone. All of your dreams are dreamed alone. Your best ideas are conceived in solitude. Your dream of a better world and the contribution you will make to it will also come when you are alone. Your creations and inventions, your solutions to the problems that most vex you, all come to you in isolation. It is only when you are by yourself that you can be receptive to the stillness of your inner voice. This is the voice that tells you what you need to know, the inner directive, the heart of your soul given words. This solitude is the place from which your originality and specialness issue. In your aloneness you hear music and see art most clearly. Only when you are alone can you receive the gifts the world presents. In your aloneness you are in touch with the energy that runs the world. The things you take from this place fortify your spirit with grace, forgive your ineptness, and fill you with new resolve. Learn to love being with yourself. It is the highest place to which you can aspire.

A friend's dedication song to the beloved that had gotten me in thinking for a precious relation with someone to come

Music by Jaci Velasquez

Lyrics:

As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
Til the end of time forever
You are the only love I'll need

In my life you are all that matters
In my eyes the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You are the one that is there for me

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you

Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day I'd be afray
Without you there to see me through

Imagine me without you
Lord You know it is just impossible
Because of you it is all brand new
my life is now worth while
I can't imagine me without you

When you caught me I was falling
Your love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard my calling
And you rush to set me free

Tour around Xi'an

Lord Bao Ching Tian in an introduction on the Prefecture of Kaifeng (ancient China history)

A family of 30

a snapshot when Jason's embarrass

earthquake causes some destruction to the tower, can u see what we're referring to?

AHA! there's my high school senior!

Jason the wacky with me & Sam

*embarrass*

At a scene of Master Tai Chi performance

Yuntaishan

Elementary school in suburb

The kids at a the village

Mom, Samantha, Carol, Chow, Jason

The Women's Weekly cover front (available only by request)

Water cascades at Yuntaishan

seems fine but we are on the cliff of the waterfall *eikk*

Yoo hoo *this is the one, u know what I'm saying babe*

Beaute

Hong Kong TVB filming me for the series On the Road (broadcasting once in a week) Friends from Hong Kong & Macau should know this! *wink*

Songshan shaolin

Songshan Shaolin Scenic Spots
(once there was a kid whom is a diciple to the Shaolin Kung Fu master became a star in an overnight due to his talent & was given an opportunity to act in TVB. Soon, he was best sought after from Japan, China & Hong Kong's entertainment industry to participate in most action-pack movies. He has now been studying & yet to show any sign of making a career in acting. )

Found a Chi hua hua on the street in China.

"Gimme a kiss-muack"

My crush is in the pic! Find him if you could!!^^

The moment of self actualization

*woot* cool mom!

was trying to get some shade

At the coffee table for a "loong piau piau" drink

Good take!The holy mom

Elaine & mom

z(UoU)z

Dynasty-Tang Palace Cultural Dance
Spring outing Dance
Hua Qing Palace instrumental
Masked Warriors Dance
Spring Orioles Song (A Pai Xiao Solo)
Feather Dress Dance
White Sleeve Dance

Elaine & mom at the Tang Palace Dinner Table of Shanxi Grand Opera House in Xi'an China

Me at Yang Gui Fei's & emperor's recreational park

Beauty Yang's spa

Beauty Yang after a Hot Spring bath

Terracotta sculpture